As the year grows new and the days fly by. I can only stop to think what happened while i’m alive? Is there peace all around, are there voices heard.. Is everything something, or have they just stayed words. Although nothing has changed and everything’s growing.. I see there is one change, and that’s not being lonely. I started this year with my best friend’s side and its comforting and normal and makes me alive. I want to hold it to have it stay.. But if i don’t let go , it’ll go away. I have to remind myself, we’re all human in this world.. We cant say and play like tiny little girls. Just remind myself why she’s there to stay.. Not because you like it.. Theres just no other way. Filling that hole that once was empty, lapping up all the words like its memory. Its this energy i need to keep me strong, its the energy that can substitute my favorite song. This year started out right with a support held tight, and now finally, hopefully, i’ll sleep well at night.
“Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”—“The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams (via julie911)
So one of my new years resolutions is, i want to use this more like a blog. I am going to try my hardest and refrain from complaining, nagging, frightening, or boring anyone of its readers or non readers. The main purpose is to use this to let out a discussion, theory, or fact,thought, or mini ramble :), out into “public” and feel the relief of just putting it out there.
Today i wanted to talk about all the shitty things that have happened to me last year but instead im going to figure out all the hopeful things of this year..
1. Im at peace with my relationships. Given relationships with
Aunts,uncles, friends, (ex) boos, sibilings, cousins, guardians, house mates, and many other loved ones.. I find myself at peace with all. There is closure where there needed to be closure, strength pulled through, and the love and support i could not have faced the new year without. I love you and them all.. I cant wait to foster and strengthen these binds this year.
2.California.. Mainly oakland/the bay.. Ive never thought id live in a place i felt so lucky to live in. But thats what oakland is!!
3. This time last year.. I didnt know what i’d do in school. Now i love what i’m learning and creating new connections, methods and skills everyday in.
All in all, last year sucked. I am looking forward to this year with my head held mainly high. I want to travel and see and remember so much, and still be closer to my professional future.
Although 15 days have past, i can now finally say Happy New Year!