You think I’d leave your side baby..you know me better than that.
You think I’d leave you down when your down on your knees..I wouldn’t do that.
I’ll tell you you’re right when you want, I
If only you could see into me.
Oh, when you’re cold, I’ll be there, hold you tight, to me
Never wipe away tears
Let them fall to the ground
Allow mother nature to soak them up
And use them for creation
To make the resources we have stronger than ever
To give us the roots and the soft earth in harmony
And sculpt our sorrow into grain we live on till our eternity.
When you wipe away your tears
Your body tenses as your eyes swell
Creating numbness throughout your senses
Those body parts in use become dependent
Your beauty becomes defenseless
Never wipe away your tears
Let them stream in to your ears
And clean all those shocking sounds turning them into hums, just to receive the message
When you wipe away tears
The world becomes restless
Over seeing the sadness
And only expecting that we know to express cheer
We bring our tears together
To grow something for us all
Of the people who these tears are for
They should see them where ever they are.
And then, when everything was just about all right, everything changes.
One of my closest cousin brothers had a heart attack and passed away yesterday. We received the news while we were in a mini bus with part of my fam on our way to my dad’s birth place they hadn’t visited since the partition in the 60s. we turned around and made the longest day of my life happen before our eyes. And its not over yet. He was 36. I cannot even digest all that happened and what will happen on my last few days here. we leave the 28th we wont be able to reach my aunts house till christmas… the 25th and there i believe this shock will finally become the tragic trauma this family will be forced to face.. my dad and uncle left early this morning and will reach there tonight. (travel is crazy..even though its just an hour flight) My aunt was widowed a couple years after I was born, she lost her grandson due to a messy divorce, and now, her son is gone. suddenly.
My own head is turning and churning.. trying to practice how to center myself, I cannot manage this traumatizing news. I will see two of my cousins sisters that are just a little younger than me.. we are very close. We digested the fact that we were not going to see each other this trip because of their exam schedule.. but now we have no choice but to be there for each other. They lived with this cousin for majority of their lives. Their respect and feelings for him have changed, grown, and dissipated throughout their developement. Knowing them, they have so much to say but no voice to say it right now. I need to be there for them. My family needs to be there for each other. We are, but we are still shocked and numb.. and who know when our own feelings will return.
I can’t face going back to America right now.. when ever I generally go back I remind myself I am back in reality, but now, this is reality, its real and its hard and I dont know where to go besides here.